Childhood Fears That Made No Sense But Felt So Real

This is the syllabus of irrational childhood training. We were prepped like tiny survivalists for threats that never materialized: quicksand lurking behind every bush, fires demanding immediate stop-drop-and-roll responses, and phone calls so urgent we needed change in our shoes.

The Bermuda Triangle was a mythic no-fly zone, spontaneous combustion was a thing we might do one day, and Halloween candy required forensic analysis. It’s wild how much mental real estate we gave to these unlikely horrors.